I truly believe that difficult things can feel really lonely at times. I would love to help knock down the wall a little through my words and illustrations, helping people feel safer to talk about the things that feel hard. For me, talking has always been the best way to make things feel less weighty... but it's not always easy to show the world your true thoughts and feelings - sometimes it feels safer to stash them somewhere for a while. Which leads me onto the next peek at my new story, 'Hidden Monsters'.
I feared fear itself, the biggest beast
I hid well out of sight
The one that tripped me up the most
And kept me up at night
There were many things I learnt to hide
To let the best bits shine
Disowning all the darker parts
So everything was 'fine'.
I would grow a perfect garden
With colour in full bloom
Where everything was welcome
Except for doom and gloom
But keeping up the garden
Was a tiring job at best.
Never feeling good enough
And never chance to rest.
Putting on a brave face alongside the things that worry us is so tiring.
Sometimes the thoughts and feelings themselves can be as (if not more) frightening than any situation we face. It takes great strength to hold them at bay, and it takes great strength to face them too. So if you recognise yourself holding up the wall with all your might, you are stronger than you know. And if you recognise yourself sitting with the courage to let them out, you are also made of more magic than any Marvel superhero.
I've pondered the notion of what we resist we strengthen, it's the reason lifting weights builds muscle so well. Holding all of these fears, worries, doubts and tricky things at bay could certainly help them grow. We're so used to being strong, to struggling up the stairs with shopping bags, telling the world we're fine. But just because you can handle it, doesn't mean you have to.
After drawing the illustration above, there staring at me on the page was a clear example of why it's so tiring holding it all together sometimes.
The antidote for me is wonderful people, the ones who allow you to show up exactly as you are, armed with tea and ears.
But I think the true magic is in allowing yourself to show up exactly as you are... Perhaps the trickiest thing of all.
